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The Power of the Wet Paper Towel!

By Nicola Orr

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

One that could possibly save the NHS millions each year…

 

It is a secret that has been entrusted to generations of teachers across the globe…

That secret is, the power of the wet paper towel*!

Did you know that a wet paper towel can fix practically anything? Cure most ailments?

No?!

Well, what have you been using them for all this time?! Cleaning? Sliding around like you’re ice skating?

A soggy moustache? Amateur!

Since time began, teachers have used the power of the wet paper towel to solve most medical ailments presented to them by the children in their classes. This has become such an effective practice that even the children themselves suggest that they administer this treatment!

Example:

Pupil (About to start a lengthy written piece): “Miss (Sir, Mr X or Mrs Y) I have a sore head.
Teacher (Lightbulb moment): “I know exactly what will help, a nice, cold, wet paper towel.
Pupil: “Erm Miss, its 0 degrees in here… What an excellent idea! Now I can sit it on my head and continue with my writing!

Other effective uses for this treatment include:

  • Cooling down heat rashes…
  • Covering bruises, lumps and bumps…
  • Putting over sore fingers, knees, elbows, arms, chins and any other body part that shows no sign of being sore…
  • Wonder Woman bracelets…

Of course, a wet paper towel is usually only prescribed when the symptoms are minor and occur sporadically because of impending written/maths work…

If the symptoms persist, the treatment should be upgraded to ‘ULTIMATE LEVEL’ – which usually takes the form of an ice pack.**

May the power of the wet paper towel be with you!

Look out for the signs and use your new-found knowledge wisely!

*A paper towel is an absorbent towel made of tissue paper instead of cloth. If you are in short supply, you must politely persuade your school janitor to locate more from their secret storage location.

**Please don’t panic, this was written tongue in cheek! Schools do take medical conditions seriously (really) and always have the best interests of their pupils at heart. They always ensure that they treat medical ailments / conditions attentively and appropriately (even when they are running out of ice packs!)

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